Remember how yesterday I posted that my #FebFoodPledge was really easy?
Well that was partially true.
But it was also partially untrue because I actually wrote that post a few days ago and since then I went out to eat twice, kicked back at a Super Bowl party, and also frighteningly saw the highest number on the scale I’ve ever seen all my live long days. Yes, in spite of my resolutions, my meditations, my thoughts, conversations, and so on, I have still been gaining weight.
But guess what? I didn’t cheat. What I did do was find the loopholes.
And don’t I always.
Onion rings aren’t white potatoes! Queso dip doesn’t come in a box or a bag! Oreo balls are home-made!
You see what I’ve done here, don’t you? I’ve given myself really great guidelines that are manageable and reasonable and I’ve still gained weight. Because I found the loopholes.
I’m sort of struggling right now which happens a lot in my life but especially today because I’m overweight and I keep thinking that it either doesn’t matter and I’ll accept it or that I’ll do something about it but neither of those things ever happen.
I have to face the reality that if I lost 50 pounds I would still have a BMI that considers me overweight. I’ve gained another 30 pounds since living in Kirksville. I gained over 20 in college. This summer, before my wedding I gained 10 pounds. And since my wedding I’ve creeped up 2 pounds, 3 pounds, 5 pounds. That truth feels like a big brick wall with no cracks, no windows, no weakness. It feels impenetrable.
Please don’t feel sorry for me. This isn’t my first rodeo. *This* revelation? The one that I am having at this moment? I have had so many times… (not to mention the number of times I’ve blogged it.)
Recently, I told Brett that I fully intend to have this weight thing under control by the time we have kids. I refuse to let my daughters (or sons for that matter) hear me put myself down, complain about my shape, whine about losing weight. Where do you think body complexes come from? Well, a lot of places but I refuse to pass mine down like it’s hereditary. I won’t.
So I’m going to follow my #FebFoodPledge in such a way that it will heal my body. I am challenging myself and in doing so, I won’t try to trick myself. It does no good.
2013 is the right year to lose weight. Not just to take control of my eating, or increase my physical activity, or to improve my self image but to actually see the scale show a smaller number. Here are 3 reasons why:
1. On May 4th one of my beautiful best friends is getting married and I’m a bridesmaid and I want to be happy and healthy as I help her celebrate.
2. On June 1, I will run 6.2 miles at the Hospital Hill Run which is farther than I’ve ever run in my life.
3. In October or November, Brett and I are taking a cruise to celebrate our one year anniversary.
I would like to take that cruise 50 pounds lighter. I cannot tell you the number of times that I have set a goal weight, calculated how many pounds I would have to lose in a month, how many in a week, and so on. But I am doing that again.
I am not only going to blog about my weight but I will blog about my weight. I will update my progress here. There will be progress to report. I will ask for your help. I will ask for your support.
There is much follow up to this post. There’s a lot more to say that doesn’t fit here. I want to hash out how I’ll do it. I want to talk about why. I want to talk about how everything in my life is and has been and will continue to be really really really good, in spite of my weight. But for right now, I just want to say that I’m going to do this. 2013 is my year.