Dealing With It

thennow

Remember how yesterday I posted that my #FebFoodPledge was really easy?

Well that was partially true.

2006

But it was also partially untrue because I actually wrote that post a few days ago and since then I went out to eat twice, kicked back at a Super Bowl party, and also frighteningly saw the highest number on the scale I’ve ever seen all my live long days. Yes, in spite of my resolutions, my meditations, my thoughts, conversations, and so on, I have still been gaining weight.

2007

But guess what? I didn’t cheat. What I did do was find the loopholes.

And don’t I always.

Onion rings aren’t white potatoes! Queso dip doesn’t come in a box or a bag! Oreo balls are home-made!

You see what I’ve done here, don’t you? I’ve given myself really great guidelines that are manageable and reasonable and I’ve still gained weight. Because I found the loopholes.

2008-1

I’m sort of struggling right now which happens a lot in my life but especially today because I’m overweight and I keep thinking that it either doesn’t matter and I’ll accept it or that I’ll do something about it but neither of those things ever happen.

I have to face the reality that if I lost 50 pounds I would still have a BMI that considers me overweight. I’ve gained another 30 pounds since living in Kirksville. I gained over 20 in college. This summer, before my wedding I gained 10 pounds. And since my wedding I’ve creeped up 2 pounds, 3 pounds, 5 pounds. That truth feels like a big brick wall with no cracks, no windows, no weakness. It feels impenetrable.

Please don’t feel sorry for me. This isn’t my first rodeo. *This* revelation? The one that I am having at this moment? I have had so many times… (not to mention the number of times I’ve blogged it.) 

2009

Recently, I told Brett that I fully intend to have this weight thing under control by the time we have kids. I refuse to let my daughters (or sons for that matter) hear me put myself down, complain about my shape, whine about losing weight. Where do you think body complexes come from? Well, a lot of places but I refuse to pass mine down like it’s hereditary. I won’t.

So I’m going to follow my #FebFoodPledge in such a way that it will heal my body. I am challenging myself and in doing so, I won’t try to trick myself. It does no good.

2010

2013 is the right year to lose weight. Not just to take control of my eating, or increase my physical activity, or to improve my self image but to actually see the scale show a smaller number. Here are 3 reasons why:

1. On May 4th one of my beautiful best friends is getting married and I’m a bridesmaid and I want to be happy and healthy as I help her celebrate.
2. On June 1, I will run 6.2 miles at the Hospital Hill Run which is farther than I’ve ever run in my life.
3. In October or November, Brett and I are taking a cruise to celebrate our one year anniversary.

I would like to take that cruise 50 pounds lighter. I cannot tell you the number of times that I have set a goal weight, calculated how many pounds I would have to lose in a month, how many in a week, and so on. But I am doing that again.

2011

I am not only going to blog about my weight but I will blog about my weight. I will update my progress here. There will be progress to report. I will ask for your help. I will ask for your support.

2012

There is much follow up to this post. There’s a lot more to say that doesn’t fit here. I want to hash out how I’ll do it. I want to talk about why. I want to talk about how everything in my life is and has been and will continue to be really really really good, in spite of my weight. But for right now, I just want to say that I’m going to do this. 2013 is my year.

2013

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16 thoughts on “Dealing With It

  1. sarahred7 says:

    1. I want to say how much I adore and admire you and your honesty. You are so genuine about your struggles and how you’ve dealt with this over and over again. You aren’t treating it like some revelation–and let’s be honest, most of the time weight loss doesn’t begin with a great revelation. It’s been revealed to us time and time again. 2. I think tackling “why” you have put on the weight and “how” you will discipline yourself into new habits is key. With that said….I think you know (I for sure know) it will not be easy and some days will suck. There will also be wonderful, positive days that encourage you to keep going. And you have all your friends in the blog world and in real life to fight with you. Ask us to help you–support is the number way to change. You are not in this alone. Girl…you can have my number and text me whenever you want to bitch or cry or be happy, or whatever. We are all in this together–don’t forget that.

    3. Cannot wait for this weekend! Rachel and I fully plan on encouraging you (and me) to continue some discipline and healthy habits. Don’t worry, haha it’ll be fun too!.

    • Thank you so much for your encouragement and support. Honestly, it took seeing a kindred spirit recognize that we need to learn to control what controls us to make me wake up and deal! I also mostly feel like this year is different because I have a much bigger support team then that I’ve ever had. This weekend is going to be wonderful and I cannot wait!

  2. Emily G says:

    Have you heard of The Shred by Dr Ian Smith? It doesn’t “ban” any foods, the docs first rule about dieting it it shouldn’t be expensive which I love. We are not doing it yet, not sure if we will but it is super realistic, more about moderation and “meal confusion” which is snacking all day to keep your metabolism up. You know you are gorgrous inside and out, but I am sure you are like me and could care less what other people think but you care about what you think and how you feel. We are like you guys and want to get healthy for our kiddos!

  3. Jess says:

    Food and weight are so hard to deal with. I know it won’t be easy. But I am ready to cheer you on along the way! And throw some healthy and delicious recipes your way if you need some. I’m always finding good stuff.

  4. Brett says:

    When I look at all these pictures of you over the years since we’ve been together, I really love the last one the best. Not only because you look the most beautiful in that one, but because the last one is you at your strongest in spirit and mind. Your looks will always be something I’m attracted to (and who can blame me). But what I find even more attractive than your looks is the way you face challenges and obstacles. You are the definition of a strong woman. No matter how you look, you will be a person to model myself after and I know our future kids will feel the same way.

    I normally don’t post a lot of stuff online, but if this format is where you can receive the best words of encouragement, consider me one of your avid followers!

  5. Rachel says:

    Yay Brett and yay you. You already know how I feel about you and your struggles because I send you overly enthusiastic e-mails full of links (it is like…the song of my people. You should see the cute stuff my Dad is always sending me) but since I also like to give you more public encouragement, totally count me in to the support group.

    I’m so glad that I can join in this kind of stuff with you and Sarah. I feel like I’ve been the weird hippie for too long and it is so fun to be making more near and dear friends that share my interests and commitments. You guys continue to encourage me with your tenacity and openness and I am so glad I can keep living it with you:)

  6. Kara Jo says:

    I just wanted to say, Amanda, that you inspire me to constantly be seeking ways to enjoy life more. You are so ambitious. I know you can do this! I have never been a regular exerciser, but am starting to take baby steps. My main goal, instead of focusing on losing my baby weight or building muscle or whatever, is to remind my brain that I am rewarding myself with health. I think that motivates me the best. I’m rewarding my body with endorphins and other good things, rather than punishing it for the bad food choices I’ve made or for being sedentary for too long, etc. My journey with exercise is really just starting, so if you ever need a running/exercise buddy, give me a call! You’ve been running longer than I have so I’ll be able to offer you an extra boost of self-confidence when I get winded and pass out on the pavement first, haha!

    • Whoa Kara- GAME CHANGER! Rewarding your body with exercise instead of punishing it for bad choices…. That’s amazing! Such a great perspective and so forward thinking. I’m going to adopt that attitude for sure. I’ll run with you anytime sister!

      • Kara Jo says:

        I’m glad to help! My friend shared that perspective with me and it totally rocked me, lol. Hit me up when you get the itch to run! I’ll see if I can get Chris to do some baby-watchin’ 🙂

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