Resolutions, Again

Last year, I made 12 goals for 2012. It was fun.

Some of them I did (I’ll count my personal training sessions as “taking a class”), some I didn’t (“take a trip to wine country with Brett.”) Some I tried (“write a letter once a week,”) and some I didn’t (“buy an SLR camera.”) Some I want to hang on to and give another go (“practice patience,”) and some I’ve realized just ain’t gunna happen (“compete the MS Challenge walk.”)

I’m glad I made goals. I’m glad I had a few failures and few successes. This year, however, I’m going to try something different. I’ll get to why.

Do you know anyone more demanding than yourself? I don’t.

Here’s an incomplete list of things I expect of myself and fail to achieve day after day, year after year:

Wash my face everyday
Stop losing my retainer
Fix my hair on a regular basis
Shower everyday
Stop criticizing people
Stop over analyzing
Start working out
Stop snacking
Stop getting second helpings of cookies
Start reading smarter books
Be smarter
Be prettier
Be quieter
Be more charming
Stop leaving laundry in the dryer for a week
Stop leaving my shoes in front of the door
Stop crying so much
Stop interrupting people while they talk
Figure out a sleep schedule
Lose weight
Lose weight
Lose weight
Lose weight
Lose weight

When I look at that list, my heart hurts for myself. Its like I step outside of my body for a minute and I see this girl with frizzy blonde hair sitting at her computer with her shoulders slumped and tears in her eyes and I just want to hug her. I want to say, “Do you know how many people love you?” I want to say, “Do you know your husband thinks you are the most beautiful person he’s ever met?” I want to say, “Do you know that you are the person you are supposed to be and you are becoming someone who is doing just a little bit better everyday?” 

And when I step back into myself, I do know. I’m pretty good. And I’m getting better. So I’ve decided that rather than make a list of goals for 2013, which was a totally fun and completely acceptable exercise- I’m going to develop a mantra.

I’m going to find a phrase, or a quote, or a verse that aligns with what I want my life force to be and I’m going to allow that be my mantra, my purpose, my statement of intent for the year that follows. It won’t be something at which I will be able to succeed or fail. It will simply be a quiet, but constant reminder to myself that I am good and I am getting better.

I don’t have it yet, but you know I’ll share it when I do.

Happy almost new year.

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One thought on “Resolutions, Again

  1. melalvai says:

    I've been struggling with being judgmental and critical all my life. I think recently I've finally started to make some progress. I've had at least a year or 15 more than you to work on it. It might take us both a few decades. 🙂

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